Does anyone do these things anymore?

I have to say that I actually forgot about this blog. It has been like 3 years since I've written in here and it emailed me to see if I wanted to keep it. I went back and read a couple of the old ones and thought I would try to get back at it.

So here I am at the church and I am getting ready to take a trip to Texas for a few days. I'll be home for a bit after that and then I will be driving out to Pennsylvania to witness Aaron Loyet and Elina Sergeyev's wedding and visit with Wayne and Marie Randel. Then it will be Tabernacles when I come back and at the end of Tabernacles I will head to Honduras for a few weeks!

I am super excited to be back on the road a bit after being home for about 4 months. I haven't been home that long without at least a small trip for years! It has been great to be home and helping at the mission base for the summer, but I am ready for an adventure.

Many things have been changing and it has definitely been a time of growth and development for all of us here. We're very excited to begin work on The Nest at our newly acquired Dove Creek Ranch. Once the building is workable for worship, Eagle Rock Church will begin meeting there. We are all SO excited to have land that we can call our own!

Let me know what you think...should I hang onto this blog and try to keep it updated or not?

Catching up

Ok friends, I'm pretty sure most of you know some of the stuff that has been happening in my life lately, but I wanted to give an update and more information. Most of you know that someone stole a car and crashed it into my car in the early hours of the morning on August 18th. What many of you may not know is that the man ended up getting out of the car and attacking me while trying to take my phone away. It was not a brutal attack, but he did injure my right arm pretty badly. This has made it very difficult for me to work and has prevented me from doing a lot of tasks because I am right handed and cannot lift anything with that arm. There is definitely limited function and mobility. I believe that it will get better and that God can and will heal it, but for now it is causing a lot of problems.

I only had liability insurance on my car since it was an older car. Because the other car was stolen, the owner's insurance refuses to pay any compensation for my car. My insurance is obviously not going to compensate me for the loss either. Therefore, I have no means at this time of replacing my car at all. I am waiting for God to send a miracle and relying on my awesome friends and family to help with my transportation issues. This is really difficult for me at times and has been very stressful. I cannot even explain how grateful I am for all the love and help that people have given!

Just because I am injured and car-less does not mean that the ministry activities I'm involved in have slowed down or stopped! Actually, things in the ministry are picking up tremendously and I'm trying to keep up. I am currently still working at CLO (though I'm on a limited schedule due to my arm), but it is getting more difficult all the time to work and be in the ministry. We are hoping to get to the point where I can be only in the ministry and not work outside of it, but we're not there yet.

All of this leads to a lot of stress and a lot of praying and trusting God. I'm being very open and honest with you all right now. The finances are not there for me to buy a car. The finances are not there for me to travel with the ministry like I need to. Apostle Lisa and the ministry have been awesome with helping me in any way possible and I will trust God and travel whether I have money or not when possible, but some of the bigger trips are more difficult to work with.

I am leaving October 9th from Lawrence and we will be traveling all throughout Western Kansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Arizona before going back into Mexico and ministering there. We will be, tentatively, arriving back in Lawrence around the 4th of November. We will be ministering all the way back as well. These are things I would love for you all to pray about. We need strength. I need to be completely healed so I can be more effective in the ministry - drumming and playing piano are things that are very difficult to do right now and I need to be able to do them without hindrances.

I never enjoy asking anyone for money, but I am asking you to please pray about whether you can help in any way with either the trip or the car or however God leads you. If you have any questions please feel free to call or text me. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement, and support!

Love,
Tami

Oh the sweetness....

You know, one day a few years ago I was having a conversation with Addi, my little niece, and we were talking about Jesus. She was talking about something she said to him and then what he said to her and I commented that I thought that was nice. Her reply was so precious...she looked at me and said, "I know. Jesus is just so sweet!"
I haven't thought about that in a while, but this past Friday night Apostle Lisa was preaching and she was talking about the sweetness of God. During her sermon and afterward we all began to feel the sweet presence of God!
This week has been a little tough, physically speaking, because we all have a lot to get done and we're working really hard to prepare for our conference next week, but in the midst of it we are having prayer in the mornings and evenings. I have been coming at 7:15 in the morning and joining with some other precious friends and we have been praying and seeking God's face and his heart for our ministry, for ourselves, and for the conference.
Anyone who knows me KNOWS I am not a morning person! But I have to say that the sweet presence of God that has been in those times of morning prayer is beyond priceless to me! It gets stronger each day. His sweet presence is so overwhelming and overpowering that it is hard to leave! Walking away from the sanctuary on these mornings has been difficult to do, but we must press on to get things done.
I don't know if you have ever experienced God in all of his sweetness, but I highly recommend it! I encourage you to pray and ask God to reveal that part of himself to you. Just be sure you're prepared for him to show up!
Blessings!

Just a quick hello

I haven't said anything on here in a while. It's not that I don't have things to say, I just haven't taken the time to write them down. I will. Soon.
But for now I just wanted to stop by the old blog and say a quick hello to anyone who reads this :) I am still here, still going. I have been working a LOT over the past couple of months at my CLO job as well as working at the church/ministry, so there has been little free time for writing. However, now I think all the open positions at work are filled, so I will have a lot less time at work and more time to do other things.
If you pray for me, I want to say thank you. I can always use prayer! I need prayer for finances for things like mission trips, car issues, clothing, and to finish some much needed dental work. I could also use prayer just for guidance, direction, strength, and endurance as I continue in this crazy life of mine! Also...I miss my family. A lot. With the schedule being what it has been and my car having the issues it had, I have not been able to see my family much at all lately. In fact, I haven't seen my Wellsville family in three weeks now (except for my sister Benita and her husband Chuck...they came to fix my car the other day. WOOHOO!!!)
Tomorrow (Thursday) night I get to lead worship again for our local chapter of Aglow International. This is always such an honor and a privilege! I may not be the best worship leader, but I sure do enjoy having the opportunity to worship with other people.
I'd better run...tomorrow's schedule seems to be filling up quickly! I will try to write again in the next few days and share some things that I feel God has been speaking to me about.
Blessings and peace!
Tami

Que pasa?

Hey friends,
I am so very excited! This Friday I am leaving for our trip to Mexico! Ha, as excited as I am you would think that I have all my "ducks in a row" and my bags are packed and everything is neat and organized, right? Umm...no. None of the above is true. I have been terrible about procrastinating all of that. However, I have thought a lot about it all and I have a plan, does that count?

Anyway, I am jumping on here to say hello. I also want to say that I am SO blessed and humbled by the outpouring of love, prayers, and finances that I have been experiencing from so many of you! These past few weeks have been emotionally difficult, but I am overwhelmed by the love that I have been shown. For those who have been a part of all of that, I cannot say thank you enough! You are a blessing to me! You should also know that I am a firm believer that those who support missionaries through prayers, encouragement, and/or finances receive the same blessing as those who are on the mission field! When I bring back testimonies of how amazing God is and all He has done on the trip YOU receive the same reward for them that the team and I do. It's a biblical principle (google David at Ziklag).

Be blessed my friends! I may try to write another post during the trip, but it's quite possible I will not have the opportunity. If not, I will write when I come back. Have a great few weeks!

Tami

I went for a walk today...

     I did. God gently woke me up this morning without the alarm clock. I got up, felt like doing some bible reading, so I read for a little while, but then I felt an overwhelming urge to get myself outside and go for a walk, which is something I SHOULD do more often for so many reasons!
While I was out walking, almost immediately, God began speaking to me through nature and the scenery all around me. First of all, it's a beautiful day today! The sun is shining, the sky is SO blue, and the grass and trees are such a beautiful green. I should post a picture for you...hang on a minute:

I literally just went outside and took a picture with my phone of what it looks like down my street right now. So beautiful! So you can imagine how lovely it was on my walk.
     Anyway, as I was walking I was talking to God and just thanking Him and telling Him how beautiful everything is and talking about the colors and the beauty of it all. I was thanking Him for all of it and I mentioned how green everything is and suddenly He said to me that it is the rich color of green that comes through after a long, difficult winter. I began to cry. It has been a harsh winter season, hasn't it? There has been some of the bitterest of cold during this winter. But that isn't what He was talking about, at least not really.
     Just as it has been winter season in the natural and has only recently turned to spring, I have been experiencing a harsh winter season in my soul as well. Many of you know some of what I have been going through. I've talked about some of it a lot, really. Already this year I have gone through some major medical challenges with my grandma that has left her not quite herself. This has brought about some interesting and terrible family dynamics that I would have never dreamed possible. All the while I, and many in my family, have had to push aside the emotions of it all in order to help her fight through this somewhat unknown illness to get her to the point she is at today. Then suddenly, now that the initial severity is over and she is safe and, for the most part, well....well, now we all have been able to look back at what we've just been through over the past 3 months and we've all begun to grieve the loss of what once was and can never be again. In the meantime there have been challenges at work, challenges in the ministry, challenges in close friendships...and some of this may never be resolved. There have been days when I have been happy and days when I have been sad. There have been days when I didn't think I could take the next step or even get out of bed because the stress and the weight of it has been so heavy. Can you relate?
     All of that adds up to a very harsh winter season. Have you been there? Are you there now? Let me share what I felt God was speaking to me about it. I have had a strong desire to read the book of Daniel lately. I especially have been hanging out in Daniel chapter 4. A long time ago God used that chapter to teach me about His sovereignty and how what He says goes and that's that. But I was having trouble figuring out what He was trying to say to me this week. Today He told me that, just as Nebuchadnezzar said at the end of the chapter, "...all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride", He has been taking me through a process to bring about a new level of humility. Humility is the key to authority. I need so much more authority in my life (as in authority over the power of darkness)! He also reminded me of James 4:6, "...God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble."
     I don't know about you, but I CERTAINLY do not want God to resist me! And boy, do I need more of His grace and favor in my life! During this time of stress, grief, and uncertainty I have been learning from God more sides of Himself. There have been many ups and downs, but through it all He has remained faithful and constant at ALL times! He has never said one thing to hurt me, has never been harsh, has never turned His back on me, has never grieved me. He has been there for me to turn to at every moment! Why? Because He loves me with an unconditional and everlasting love! And yet He gently teaches me how to become more like Him. So today's lesson, God can and will humble those who walk in pride. Oh Father, may it never be me! May I learn to always walk in humility and be an example of this to all who come across my path! I never want God to resist me and I never want to lead anyone astray by my actions or words!
     I'll write more about what is happening these days in a few days, but I had to share about my walk this morning. I hope it speaks to your heart just as it did to mine! I'll leave you with this YouTube video that kind of sums up what I'm talking about. I'm singing it as a sincere prayer! Love and peace to you all!

Better think before I sing next time...

I was sitting at work tonight and as my Pandora shuffled through my list of stations, the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) came on. Now, I have really enjoyed this song over the past few months and even learned to (somewhat) play it on the piano and sing it. In fact, in some of my personal prayer/worship times, this has been a song that I have kind of hung out on, especially on the bridge. Read these lyrics:

     Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever      You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be        made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? In fact, I thought it sounded really awesome! Yes Lord! I want to walk on the waters anywhere You send me! I really do! Don't I? I mean, it'll all be sunshine and roses, won't it? Ha, my friends, I don't know about you, but if you're anything like me you have a tendency to wander off into some imaginary land where everything is happy and meat doesn't come from animals (yes, I do know the truth, but leave me in my make-believe world!!! It's nice here!). I have a propensity to choose to expect only good things. This isn't always bad, don't get me wrong. However I can think of two places in the Bible where that bubble is busted right away. 

The first is Ecclesiastes 7:14, "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future." The second is John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Wow! So King Solomon tells us that God has made our good times as well as our bad times and then Jesus told us we would have trouble! Sounds really encouraging, huh? But it is friends, it truly is. And Jesus reminded us that He has already overcome the world! That's comforting for sure! But sometimes that part is hard to see and easy to forget.

Many of you know, to some extent, the roller coaster of trials my family has endured the past several weeks with my grandma's health. She's currently getting a little bit better again, but we're still praying for a miracle in her brain. It has been so hard because I love my sweet grandma and you cannot even imagine the things that have transpired during this time. I have had to really press in to God for the strength to keep going in the direction I know He wants me to go because my nature is to drop everything and do whatever I can to fix the problem with grandma until either she's better or I can't go on any longer. But I cannot do that anymore. It's not because I don't want to or I don't love her, but it's because I have to fulfill the call of God on my life and in order to do that, I must keep going and keep saying "yes" to Him!

So when I heard that song tonight I felt as though He was asking me during the bridge part, "Do you remember singing that over and over? Didn't you ask Me to take you to a place where you could learn to trust without borders? Didn't you ask Me to teach you to walk on the waters? Did you not listen to what you were singing? This is a perfect situation to practice these things. When Peter got out of the boat and walked on the literal water, do you think it was calm? No, it was a stormy sea. This is your stormy sea. Stop freaking out and start walking with Me on the water. Start trusting and stop fretting. I AM."

I don't know what to say, other than, "Yes, Lord. I hear You. Your servant is listening." If this is speaking to your heart about your life as well, I pray you will say the same.

Blessings and love,

Tami

A few thoughts...

Ok, I admit it...I'm terrible at this whole blogging thing. Not that I am not proficient in writing things down, it's just that I do not do it on a consistent basis. For that I am sorry.

I am writing to give a quick update, yet again. We have been working on a play called "Eli's Amazing Workshop" at the church. It's pretty fun :) This weekend (Friday and Saturday at 7, Sunday at 3) will be the last three performances of it. Please come if you can! We'd love to have you there!

I was so happy to get to see, even though it was quite briefly, some of my awesome family that I don't see very often last weekend! I love them so much! Later that night I got to visit my Wellsville Family Worship Center family  and spend some time with them at the Christmas party. It was so fun! I'm hoping to get over to WFWC for a Sunday morning service in the next couple of weeks to see more family and friends there!

We are planning to be in Mexico again, most likely in February. I'm really excited to get there! It's not just because I love the people or just because I love to travel. It's not even just because it's an awesome country with much warmer weather than Kansas in the winter! It's because I love getting to share Jesus with people in another language. It's because I get to be a part of what God is doing in many places during these trips. I get to do these things right here too...what a blessed life I live!

My friends, it's Christmas time again. I pray that in this season you are blessed beyond measure. I pray your family is well and that you are feeling loved. And I pray that you are finding a fresh, new revelation of Jesus Christ beyond the manger and the cross. The apostle John knew Jesus as a teacher in sandals and a robe walking around like every other man, but in the book of Revelation he got a whole new revelation of who Jesus was and it changed his perspective permanently. I pray that we all get this kind of revelation and allow it to change us and shape us further into what He wants us to be.
Blessings and peace to you all! Merry Christmas!
Tami

P.S. I thought I would add a picture in here since I haven't posted one in a while. This picture is me in costume and makeup for the play with my friend Alisha :)

Wowza!

The last time I wrote to you all I was writing from Engeltal. Since then I have come back and celebrated the 8 days of Tabernacles (Sukkot) and then we had a conference here at the mission base. We have been working hard to get things done and just keep up!

During that time my car broke down (fuel pump), my grandma got really sick (she's better-praise God!), and my grandpa in Texas got sick (he's also better-praise God!). Things have just been crazy!
Today I received a letter from Engeltal. It was one of those things that they sent out to everyone that was a part of the ISOM school just thanking us for being there. There was a picture on it from during one of our worship times, which made me a bit nostalgic. Then at the bottom there was a handwritten portion just to me from one of the ladies there on behalf of the President of the Endtime Handmaidens and Servants, Sharon Buss. When I saw the note Midi wrote for her I just started to cry and realized how much I really love and miss the people at Engeltal. It's amazing how quickly our hearts were knit together!

Later today I was able to reminisce a little about the things that happened there and it was nice. I often get so busy that I don't take the time to remember what has happened in all of the amazing places/meetings I get to be a part of.

Friends, I don't know why I get to be where I am, but I'm sure glad I'm here. I've had such an amazing journey in my life with so many amazing people and I'm feeling so very blessed. If you're reading this, chances are you have been (and maybe still are) a part of that journey. For that I say thank you.
Love and blessings,
Tami

Greetings from Engeltal Valley!

I'm just writing a quick update while I have a few minutes. Right now I am sitting on a bed in a house called Ahava in a valley called Engeltal in Arkansas. Ahava means love in Hebrew and Engeltal means valley of angels in German. What a beautiful place!

I am here to help prepare for and attend the Endtime Handmaidens and Servants school of ministry and I have been having a great time so far! I've met some very precious people, most of whom have been on the mission field for a very long time...some probably even longer than I've been alive! Oh the stories they can tell! It's amazing to hear what God has done all over the world!

Tomorrow I am told that our little team is going with our leader's friend to explore an Indian cave on his property not far from here...if we have the opportunity to get away for a while. We'll see. That would be a really cool little field trip before the rest of our team (and the other 100 or so people) arrives tomorrow evening. Tomorrow night
we begin our week-long intensive school on Revival.

Seriously my friends, I ask myself all the time HOW in the world I ended up living this crazy, blessed life. All I know is God has lead me here and is leading me to some other really awesome places in the near future.

Hope all is well with you! Blessings from the house of love in the valley of angels :)

That's what's up :)

Hey friends,
It's been a little while, so I thought I would write a quick update to let you know what's up. We have been learning a lot these past few weeks. Yes, we always learn a lot, but I don't always mention it. We have been hearing a lot about bitterness and what it can do to a person lately. I always find it interesting that I can be sitting in church hearing something one day from one person and then hear about the same thing on the radio, through an email, or just about anywhere else from someone else. God works like that a lot!

So anyway, we've been learning about how bitterness takes root in people and then all sorts of terrible things come as a result. The fruit that bitterness puts out can be bad relational fruit, such as being just plain mean to people, it can be bad mental fruit, such as never thinking you are good enough for anything, or it can be bad physical fruit. The Bible says in Hebrews 12:15, "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled" (ESV) Too often we allow bitterness to take root in our lives and then that causes trouble for us and causes us to become defiled. To be defiled means to be tainted, polluted, or unclean. There is healing and cleansing for this, but in my opinion it is better to resist allowing bitterness to defile us in the first place. Just some food for thought.

There are many things coming up for me in the near future. I am going to Jasper, Arkansas in September for a school focused on Revival. This is about a week long and by the end I will have earned 12 college credit hours (4 college level classes). I, unfortunately, will be missing my friend Jessica's wedding to be at this school. I hate missing it because I know the wedding will be awesome! I definitely wish her and Matthew all the best!

In October I will be traveling back into Obregon, Sonora, Mexico and the surrounding areas. We will be ministering all the way down and back as well. Please pray for our team! At the end of December into the beginning of January I plan to be a part of a prayer journey all over Israel. I would love to discuss the details of that with you in person if you would like to know more about what I will be doing there. Right now the plans are still being finalized. Please pray for me because I feel that God wants me to go on this trip, but it will cost around $3500, which I do not have. I am praying about how to raise the money I need for all of these trips.

There is always a lot happening here and I hope that you enjoy reading about some of it. Feel free to leave me a comment or email/facebook me to let me know how you're doing and what is happening in your world!

Hey there :)

Hi everyone! I'm just getting on here to say hello and touch base with you guys. Things here are still pretty busy. One of my friends from work quit and so I have been picking up a lot of extra hours for the past couple of weeks. That works out great as far as acquiring money goes, but it does cause some issues in that I have been needed for some important tasks at the church, so my schedule has been to work 15+ hours per day almost every day this past week between the two places. Friends, I'm a little tired ;)
Soon enough they will hire another person to take her place and I will be back to my normal hours at work, so I am considering it a blessing to be able to make a little extra money for a while. We have a lot of things coming up very soon and, unfortunately, money will be a bit of an issue.
In September I will be attending a week-long school in Arkansas and will actually be in Arkansas working for a few days before to help the school prepare for the week of students. It's a strong possibility that I will be heading into Mexico in October(ish). At the end of December I would really like to be a part of a team going into Israel as well.
I am not one that ever enjoys asking for help, but I would like to ask you all to be praying for me that I will be able to do these things that I believe God is calling me to do. I need God to provide in some very big ways in order to do these things. Please pray and believe with me for the time and the finances to accomplish everything that God has set forth for me to accomplish.
Thank you!

Wowowow!

Hey there friends! Wow, it's been a while since I've written anything on here. Life has been nuts the past couple months. Our church moved to an AWESOME new building that has a ton more space and space to potentially grow into as well. We moved in on June 1st (I was actually at a crazy-awesome wedding that day watching my lovely cousin Ashley marry her best friend Taylor. I love them!!!) and spent the next two weeks unpacking, cleaning, painting, sanding, re-cleaning, rearranging, re-cleaning again, and preparing. We had a big conference here in June (the 19th-22nd...seriously, we did a lot in that first 2 1/2 weeks!) and learned a little over 2 semesters worth of stuff in 4 days time. Honestly, the information was amazing and we are all still trying to unpack it all and discern what it means and how we can utilize this information in our everyday lives.
Since the conference we have been trying to finish with the unpacking/arranging of things here at the church and doing what we do. My friend Daniel and I went out on the street the other night for evangelism. We didn't have a lot of conversations on that trip, but we saw some interesting things, did some heavy praying, and made a contact with someone I already knew but hadn't seen for a while. It was a good night.
God has blessed me lately with several great days. I've gotten to visit people, relax a little, have some fun, and spend time in His presence. Last night we got to have a service with some people who are part of the persecuted church in another country. If you see me in person, feel free to ask me to show you pictures. It was a great night!
There are a lot of things coming up soon, could you please be in prayer for me? There is a week long schooling in Arkansas that I may be doing in September, several missions trips (including Mexico and Israel) coming up perhaps by the end of this year, and the everyday juggle of work, mission/ministry work, and living life that happens. All of this is very costly and it's a struggle to get by sometimes, so saving money toward these things is tough. God is a great provider, though, and I know that when He sends me somewhere, He will provide...even when it's right here in Lawrence.
I hope to see or hear from you all soon! I'd love to hear what is happening in your corner of the world as well! Thanks for reading!

In my absence...

Sorry for the long absence friends...I've been busy! Things are crazy busy around here between the church and my family. Haha, one has been busy and the other has been crazy!! (JUST KIDDING!)

No for real, things have been very busy and keeping up has been difficult. I decided to take a minute tonight to just say hello and chat a little. I don't always know what to say in a blog entry. It's not as though things don't happen in my life all the time, but you don't always want or need to hear about it, and sometimes it's just not all that interesting.

I have had some experiences lately. For one, I lost my dear friend Tommy Baker in May. Tommy had been battling cancer for 2 1/2 years and he went home to be with Jesus on May 10th. I definitely learned after going through the deaths of my two dads how important it is not to grieve as one who has no hope, like it says in 1 Thessalonians 4:13. So though I, and so many others, grieve that he has gone home, I have the hope that I will get to see him again one day.

May was a super emotional month. On Mother's Day my little sister, Sierra Montana Hernandez, graduated from high school. What a special time we had celebrating with her and her boyfriend and his family! His family is such a blessing and we are so very grateful to them for everything that they have done and continue to do for Sierra! At the party for her and Adam we got to see my little brother for the first time in nearly 5 years. Even now every time I think about it I start to cry because the emotions are so overwhelming! God did a great work that day and the six of us being together for the first time since my dad's funeral was a very healing experience for us all. It would have been amazing if our two older brothers would have been able to join us as well so that all of my dad's children would have been together for the first time ever...but that day will come (hopefully soon!). It was so great to see Philip and to get to know him a little better as the awesome young man that he is becoming rather than the awesome little boy he was before my dad died. The why's of why we haven't seen him in so long is a story not worth the telling...but I hope he realizes just how much we truly love and miss him. I'm sure we'll get to see a whole lot more of him from now on.

There have been a lot of ups and downs in the past few weeks and, frankly, I'm pretty worn out emotionally from it all. Some things hurt a lot and some things were awesome and encouraging and life-giving. I'm still pretty overwhelmed with emotions a lot of times and I'm sure people wonder what is wrong with me. Nothing is necessarily wrong...I'm just sorting it all out :)

Hope you are all doing well, my friends. Be blessed!

For those who are hurting...(I know that's a lot of us)

Ok, I'm going to give a disclaimer right here at the very beginning of this post. Ready for it? Here it is: This post might not make you feel all warm and fuzzy...at least not until the end. But it's what is on my mind and heart tonight and so if it feels heavy, it is. It's weighing on me and I need to express my thoughts in hopes of alleviating that weight. If you are not in a position to handle it, it's ok! I give you complete permission to stop reading right now and find something that will be happier all the way through.

For those that are still reading...I want to talk about a terrible subject. Death. Yep, I said it. It is one of the worst parts of life for me. Do I fear death? Nope. And I don't mean to sound morbid or anything, but it sounds pretty good to me when I think of death for me being the passing from this world full of it to a heaven with my Jesus where there is no more death! But as far as I know I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so no worries, ok?

Why on earth is death on my mind tonight? Well...I can give you a lot of reasons. First, I found out tonight that a neighbor (in Wellsville) that I have known my WHOLE life passed away this past week. His funeral was yesterday, but as far as I know none of our neighbors knew that he had passed. I don't know about the past few years, but as far as I knew before that he had never accepted Christ. Lord, I sure hope he did! Rest in peace Jerry.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. That's what it says in Psalm 116:15.  I have read that verse so many times, but it never jumped out at me until last year, about this time, when my first pastor (Otis) died. I had mentioned his passing on facebook and someone posted that. Oddly enough, I really did find that to be comforting. Anything that is precious to the Lord obviously holds a lot of value and so it's comforting to know that God cares THAT much. But I hate death. Death means being separated from someone or something that you love (relatively speaking of course). Can I just be brutally honest? I have a dear friend that I love very much who is facing death right now. If God chooses not to intervene, he will be gone in a very short time. Frankly, I don't like that. I'm not God and I know He knows best...but death leaves behind so much hurt in its wake. I've experienced too many times the kind of hurt his family will have to endure if this occurs. I don't wish that on ANYONE! But precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. And also in Matthew 5:4 it says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." You know, in addition to the intense pain that I have endured because of death I have also experienced the comfort of God. There's nothing like it! It truly is a blessing to be comforted by the Creator of the universe. The process just hurts a lot. Bittersweet...but hopefully more sweet than bitter.

Death comes in a lot of areas too...not just the loss of life. Death can happen in someone's spirit. This means they lose part of who they are and the life seems to go out of them even while they are still living and functioning. This kind of death, though reversible, is still death. Death can come in the form of a life-changing event, such as moving away from people you love and places with which you are familiar. It's as though you are experiencing death (sometimes, not always) because those things will no longer be a part of your life. Death often comes in relationships. Divorce is a type of death. Estrangement from family is a type of death. Ending of friendships is a type of death.

All of these things hurt tremendously. Most of the time (in the case of relationships), once it's all said and done there is nothing you can do about it. For those left in the world of the living, life just keeps going on and on. The world doesn't stop to let you process what just happened. Everyone around you keeps living their life like normal-because their lives ARE normal-and your life will never be the same. Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. Been there, done that...sometimes it's an on-going thing. Ugh.

So what are we to do? I mean, this is a pretty weighty post. It is not my intention to bring you down, my friend. So let me tell us both some things that are very uplifting. First of all, there's hope. When we lose a loved one who loves God and lives for Him and WE live for Him, we will see them again. Though the separation is hard, it is, indeed, temporary. For all other types of death, here are some thoughts that may bring hope. For those of us who mourn, we are blessed because God comforts us. We are then expected to comfort others with the kind of comfort we have been given. Getting our minds off of ourselves is a really good tool to moving beyond our grief. Just remember, grief MUST be spent. It's natural, just don't hang onto it for an inordinate amount of time.

Next, I want to remind us both, friend, that John 12:24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." Now, you may be wondering what a grain of wheat has to do with the price of tea in China...but hear me out. I've been learning (yeah, I've been in a process, and then another process, and then another process...oy vey!) about this concept. Perhaps, just maybe, if we look at these things as that grain of wheat and we can't do anything about it falling to the earth and dying, we may as well have some hope that it WILL produce fruit at the end of our process. Now that fruit could be a revitalization of what once was, only healthier and more productive, or it could just be that something new and more productive will spring up. Whatever the case, just do your best to place your hope in God's awesome farming skills. See what He brings to life out of the death fertilizer that you are experiencing.

One final note: In every type of death, there is the reality of pain for those left behind. I will never forget when my cousin died quite unexpectedly a few years back, my other cousin, Jared, wrote a song that he sang at the funeral. The song summed it all up so well. The lyrics simply said this: Oh God, it hurts so bad just to love anyone down here. Wait, that's right, You know so well. One thorny crown, three nails, and a spear. One thorny crown, three nails, and a spear.

God knows our suffering and our pain. He has experienced it all before. He knows what we need and how we need to be comforted. Let's let Him work on that one. Let's all try to take the advice that Paul offers in Philippians 4:6. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Love and peace to you all.

Thoughts for the day:

Today I was trying to decide what to write, but felt like I should maybe write SOMETHING. The problem often times, as in the case of today, is that I have so many thoughts running through my head and I don't know which one would be good to write about. Today I'm a little tired of that dilemma, so I decided I'd write several thoughts. So here goes. Good luck my friends. Hopefully something I have to say will be interesting to you.


First...the picture is of me with Crystal. I honestly don't know how she puts up with me! Poor girl had to listen to me rant twice this morning. Bless her God! She's great and I'm glad she can handle me or sharing this office would be pretty difficult!

The next thought of the day is "Man, I really love you God!" Seriously. God has been so incredibly awesome to me...and if I started telling you all the things He does in my life it would take forever. I was listening to a song earlier and the lyrics from the bridge say "You are my deepest longing and so I see You everywhere. It's You I'm chasing after. I am captivated by who You are and how You move. I'll follow You forever..." Yep...I feel like that! I'm chasing after Him more and more all the time. So awesome. Here's the song:

 

I'm thinking about my awesome grandparents today. Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Bonnie Rhoades are so awesome. They have blessed me my whole life and recently did something that I can't even begin to describe how amazing it was. They have always only spoken words of blessing and love over me and I'm so incredibly grateful for them. Always have been, always will be.

My next thought: Man alive these birds are so loud today!!! We have mommy and daddy finches in our office that had one baby from their first batch (who is named Timothy and he's sitting in a cage pretty much next to me) who LOVES to talk/sing to us and is singing along with the music playing from my computer. Cute...but SO loud, lol. Mommy and Daddy birds have another set of babies (pretty sure it's four, though I'm beginning to wonder...) in their cage and they're all pretty loud too!

I keep thinking back to a conversation that I had with a guy at work the other day. He started asking me what I thought about the Bible...do I think that the WHOLE Bible was actually what God meant to say. I mean, people have changed it to suit what they want, right? Well, in asking this question he went on SEVERAL different tracks trying to explain his point. So...I answered each track separately in order to answer his first question. I won't get into the whole conversation, but my bottom line was something like this: "Well, let's go back to your original question...yes, I believe that God wrote the whole Bible. That's what He meant. If you compare today's main translations with the Dead Sea Scrolls, which are the oldest scriptures they have found, they're pretty dead on accurate. The problem is that there are things in the Bible that are hard for us to take because we don't want to follow those parts. We can't pick and choose scriptures. 2 Timothy 3:16 says "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness." This means that if we believe one part of the Bible, we have to believe the WHOLE Bible. This always brings up the question about cannonization of the Bible. It was a panel of theologians that got together and decided what would and would not be in the Bible. Several things didn't make it in, such as the book of Enoch, but it wasn't just one guy writing down a bunch of things, it was several authors over a 1500 year period of time and then a panel of guys that decided what would be in the actual book. Frankly, if our God is big enough to create the universe, He is big enough to keep the writings accurate and cause what He wants to be put into His word and what He doesn't want in there, right?" Yeah, it pretty much sounded like that. And it pretty much satisfied what he was asking, though I'm pretty sure it (and the rest of the discussion that came with it) didn't exactly make him happy. It's ok. Truth is truth and he needed to hear it and he is always very willing to hear what I have to say, even when it doesn't agree with him so well. 

Are you bored with my thoughts yet? Hope not. I have so many more...not going to share all of them, no worries there. Hmm...I'm a little sad and frustrated today. I'll be fine...but you know, if I'm being honest I would have to say that friendships are really difficult sometimes. Sometimes you don't have the kind of time you want/need to have in order to continue cultivating a good friendship with someone. That gets hard. Other times something happens and your relationship snaps and you just have no idea why. That's pretty hard too. Well, all I can do is keep moving forward and trust that God will take care of the rest...because I don't have the strength, ability, or energy to fix it myself.

Oh, ok, I'll end with a little story. I was talking to Crystal this morning and I had been telling her all about some things that have irritated or frustrated me this weekend (she was gone all weekend). She left to use the restroom and I started thinking "Man, I have been so whiny and gripy all morning. I need to stop that! God, please set a guard over my mouth. I know that's a scripture, I should look it up today!" Then I decided to do my Bible reading, so I opened to the Psalms that I am scheduled to read today (141-145) and I started reading...then I started laughing really hard. Right there in Psalm 141:3 it says "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;  keep watch over the door of my lips" Yes, Lord. Point taken. So I repented and then I put that scripture as my status on facebook and added that this includes anything I might type/text today as well! God's pretty funny sometimes. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed the little glimpse into my thought patterns. Have a great day and feel free to share YOUR thoughts with me as well!

I'm worn...

 Hello dear friends. I hope that you are all doing well. I need to talk about something that might hit home for too many of you. I know it does for me! I have, in recent weeks/months, experienced times where I'm just worn out. I don't mean physically, though that comes with the territory. But I have been worn out, at times, emotionally and spiritually. As I talk with some of you, my friends and readers, I've discovered that I am not alone. There is a song that I can so identify with and I feel like many of you can as well. Here are the lyrics:

 Worn by Tenth Avenue North
I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
  
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes
__________________________________________________________________________

Does that sound familiar to you? For me, I have actually made it through to the other side of being worn. Yeah, there are still times when I'm just tired and need a respite. I am one of those people that has a hard time remembering to rest, so that is part of my issue.

But I have talked to many lately that are dealing with situations that can't just be solved by taking a weekend getaway to relax. For those in this category, I'm praying for you. Even if you don't want me to, I am. I'm sorry, that's just how I'm wired. I have to tell you, there is hope.

I will say, first of all, that I understand that recovering from some of the things that happen in our lives is just a process. You MUST be allowed to go through the process. It's like when a butterfly is coming out of the cocoon. If a person tries to open the cocoon so the butterfly doesn't have to struggle, then its wings cannot gain strength and will never be usable. The person, by trying to help the butterfly speed up its struggle, has essentially killed its destiny and potential purpose. There has to be a process. I get that. Do I like it? No. Will I try to hinder it? Absolutely not. Process away, my friends. I will pray that your process is redemptive in nature and that you will not give up, but I will not try to fix it for you. It's not my place and it would cripple you for life if I did.

So why am I writing this? Well, partially just to say to all of you that you are not alone and that I understand. I am also writing this to encourage you to stick with it. If you're in a process like this, keep going! I will not condemn you for the position that you are in, but rather I will applaud you for allowing this process to take place in your life. Don't give up!

I will leave you with the video of the song I quoted above. It sticks in my spirit so often and I sometimes have sung it as a prayer to God just telling Him what I was feeling. I encourage you to tell God exactly what you are feeling, even if you are angry with Him. As you are honest with Him, He will honor that. I believe it will further you in your process. Love to you all!

Crazy weekend!

Hey there! I decided that I would go ahead and write something on here before my friend decides to send me a text telling me that I'm late on my posting, haha.

This past week has been BUSY! We have been in conference mode. I left with a small part of our team on Thursday and we drove to Salina, KS. Cindy Clark, founder of Pure Image Ministries International and a dear friend of the Warring Dove International team, had come to bring a portion of their living tabernacle to the Aglow-Kansas North Gate conference. What an experience!

Honestly, while we were setting up the tabernacle God was already moving and speaking. That was Thursday. Cindy was speaking in Salina Friday-Sunday and then Monday night and Tuesday night she spoke in our ministry school. Everyday since Thursday God has totally messed me up and spoken things over me that perhaps I will one day put on here, but for now I'm just not ready to really talk/share about it. It was all good stuff, though!

So today I'm sitting here at Eagle Rock Church and my friends and I were here for our "Command the Morning" prayer time and then we have been hanging out, comparing notes, teaching each other...and honestly, we're just trying to process everything. How do you process 6 straight days of crazy awesomeness? Well, we're trying. We're discussing. We're encouraging and exhorting each other. And we're just trying to soak it all in and not lose ground with all of the advances that have been made in our spirits all weekend. Never look back. Learn the pattern of heaven and implement it in your life for the rest of your life. Yep...sounds like a great idea!

Ponderings, Reflections, and the Pursuit of Cars...

Things here have been a little topsy-turvy for me lately...at least that's kind of how I feel at the moment. I have been pondering several things lately. So many things to think about, so little time to deal with it all. One thing that I've been pondering is this: What exactly IS a missionary? Listen, that may be an odd question to you, but I've learned something about myself recently that puts that into perspective. Dictionary.com defines a missionary as:1.a person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as educational or hospital work. 2.a person strongly in favor of a program, set of principles, etc., who attempts to persuade or convert others. 3.a person who is sent on a mission. 
The reason I have been asking this of myself is because in the past several years as I was running the Helping Hands Food Ministry there were a few people who would mention to me that I was living the life of a missionary and should look at it as such. I kind of thought they were crazy! Recently, someone said something to me about being a missionary and that I should look at my life as the life of a missionary. I began to realize that this is truly what I have been and am doing. Wow! That is interesting to me. Haha, as I read those three definitions, I realized that all three of those describe my life. 
Why does it matter? What am I actually thinking? Well, that is where the reflection portion of my post comes in. Remember when I talked about God telling me I was like the donkey that Jesus rode into Jerusalem? God spoke to me and told me that the Master has use of me. I've been trying to figure out for a long time how on earth I am going to keep working at my job, still do the work that I do at the church, and travel as we go on the Mane Event Tour very soon. People have mentioned to me that I should  look into being supported as a missionary, but I've just kind of shrugged off the notion...until now. Now I understand that this is probably something I will need to look into very soon. I'm not really sure what that will look like for me, so I'm asking you all to pray for me. I know that God is my provider. I trust Him. I want to find out how He wants me to be funded. So please, pray with me about this and if God speaks to you about it, let me know!
So, what else have I been reflecting on? Well, I've been thinking a lot about God's face. Yes, His face. He DOES have one, you know! I often pray and talk to Him about how much I want to be a seeker of His face, rather than just a seeker of His hands. Why? Well, because I want to get to know Him for who He is and learn all about Him. That would be seeking His face, so to speak. But seeking His hands is what I, and so many others, do too often. I get focused on what He can do for me or give me. But I want to know Him. I want to know what He wants to talk about and what He wants to do today. I want to know what He has to say-whether it's about me, others, or just in general. I often pray for other people that God would hold them so close to His heart that they would begin to hear the way His heart beats for them. I'm learning to pray this over myself as well.
I recently was going through a few rough patches all at once. Honestly, there was one day for a couple of hours where things got pretty dark. I was listening to the lies and accusations of the enemy and it was not good at all. I cannot even begin to describe what I was feeling that day. Suddenly, I received a text from a dear friend in another region of the country just telling me she loved me and was sending me a hug. I lost it. I needed to hear right at that moment that someone loved me just because I was me. I didn't even pray that way, it just happened at that exact second. God is so good, isn't He? He truly cares about every part of our lives. 
Haha, the other day my little niece had hurt her finger (it was not at all a bad hurt, but it was band-aid worthy...then again at 3, what isn't?!) and I just said a quick prayer that Jesus would heal it and make it all better. A couple of hours later she ran up to me and showed me that it was all better and I asked if Jesus had made it better for her. Without skipping a beat she said to me, "Yes He did! Aww, Jesus is so sweet!" Out of the mouths of babes...yep Addi, He sure is!
Ok, my last little tidbit here for you. If you did not already know, I had AWESOME news this week. I have been in need of a car to replace the one I was driving. If I even began to describe to you how awful that car had become and just how dangerous driving/riding in it was...oh man! To those who have had to endure right along with me (both in the search and in the car) I want to say thank you. No really, thank you! I have been loved by these people so much in recent weeks. BUT...the car search is over and, as Addi will tell you, Jesus bought me a new car! Now, in the natural that is not exactly how this happened, but in the eyes of a 3 year old, she prayed, Jesus promised her he would get me a good car, and here it is:

Yep. Jesus came through, as is His custom. I have awesome people who helped Him out and I love them dearly. But praise God the search, stress, and inhaling gas fumes is over and I have a very tangible reminder that I need to have faith like a 3 year old. 
Well friends, that's about it. If you have made it this far, I hope that you have read something worth pondering and reflecting over. If you have, then ask God about it and do what He says! Peace and love to you all!

I know, I know...

Yeah, it has been entirely TOO long since I have written anything on here. Life has had a LOT of ups and downs in the past few months. Haha, I was talking to a dear friend earlier about this and she was encouraging me to get back on here and write something. Wanna know what I told her? (I guess you're going to get to read it either way, haha) I told her that some days it's better if I just keep my mouth shut! Don't we all have those days?
So I promised her I would write something tonight. I'll update with something hopefully more profound in the next couple of days, but for now I'll say this: God really has been so good to me. He's so faithful, even when I least deserve it!
All too often I am just a self-centered, self-involved wretch, but that is not how God sees me! He loves me and sees me as beautiful. Amazing, huh?
I've found an even deeper love for Him than I ever thought I'd find...but it's still not enough. My prayer is that each day I will wake up loving Him more than the day before. I pray that is your prayer as well.
Goodnight friends. I've got to be up in about 5 hours. Sleep well!