Thoughts for the day:

Today I was trying to decide what to write, but felt like I should maybe write SOMETHING. The problem often times, as in the case of today, is that I have so many thoughts running through my head and I don't know which one would be good to write about. Today I'm a little tired of that dilemma, so I decided I'd write several thoughts. So here goes. Good luck my friends. Hopefully something I have to say will be interesting to you.


First...the picture is of me with Crystal. I honestly don't know how she puts up with me! Poor girl had to listen to me rant twice this morning. Bless her God! She's great and I'm glad she can handle me or sharing this office would be pretty difficult!

The next thought of the day is "Man, I really love you God!" Seriously. God has been so incredibly awesome to me...and if I started telling you all the things He does in my life it would take forever. I was listening to a song earlier and the lyrics from the bridge say "You are my deepest longing and so I see You everywhere. It's You I'm chasing after. I am captivated by who You are and how You move. I'll follow You forever..." Yep...I feel like that! I'm chasing after Him more and more all the time. So awesome. Here's the song:

 

I'm thinking about my awesome grandparents today. Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Bonnie Rhoades are so awesome. They have blessed me my whole life and recently did something that I can't even begin to describe how amazing it was. They have always only spoken words of blessing and love over me and I'm so incredibly grateful for them. Always have been, always will be.

My next thought: Man alive these birds are so loud today!!! We have mommy and daddy finches in our office that had one baby from their first batch (who is named Timothy and he's sitting in a cage pretty much next to me) who LOVES to talk/sing to us and is singing along with the music playing from my computer. Cute...but SO loud, lol. Mommy and Daddy birds have another set of babies (pretty sure it's four, though I'm beginning to wonder...) in their cage and they're all pretty loud too!

I keep thinking back to a conversation that I had with a guy at work the other day. He started asking me what I thought about the Bible...do I think that the WHOLE Bible was actually what God meant to say. I mean, people have changed it to suit what they want, right? Well, in asking this question he went on SEVERAL different tracks trying to explain his point. So...I answered each track separately in order to answer his first question. I won't get into the whole conversation, but my bottom line was something like this: "Well, let's go back to your original question...yes, I believe that God wrote the whole Bible. That's what He meant. If you compare today's main translations with the Dead Sea Scrolls, which are the oldest scriptures they have found, they're pretty dead on accurate. The problem is that there are things in the Bible that are hard for us to take because we don't want to follow those parts. We can't pick and choose scriptures. 2 Timothy 3:16 says "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training in righteousness." This means that if we believe one part of the Bible, we have to believe the WHOLE Bible. This always brings up the question about cannonization of the Bible. It was a panel of theologians that got together and decided what would and would not be in the Bible. Several things didn't make it in, such as the book of Enoch, but it wasn't just one guy writing down a bunch of things, it was several authors over a 1500 year period of time and then a panel of guys that decided what would be in the actual book. Frankly, if our God is big enough to create the universe, He is big enough to keep the writings accurate and cause what He wants to be put into His word and what He doesn't want in there, right?" Yeah, it pretty much sounded like that. And it pretty much satisfied what he was asking, though I'm pretty sure it (and the rest of the discussion that came with it) didn't exactly make him happy. It's ok. Truth is truth and he needed to hear it and he is always very willing to hear what I have to say, even when it doesn't agree with him so well. 

Are you bored with my thoughts yet? Hope not. I have so many more...not going to share all of them, no worries there. Hmm...I'm a little sad and frustrated today. I'll be fine...but you know, if I'm being honest I would have to say that friendships are really difficult sometimes. Sometimes you don't have the kind of time you want/need to have in order to continue cultivating a good friendship with someone. That gets hard. Other times something happens and your relationship snaps and you just have no idea why. That's pretty hard too. Well, all I can do is keep moving forward and trust that God will take care of the rest...because I don't have the strength, ability, or energy to fix it myself.

Oh, ok, I'll end with a little story. I was talking to Crystal this morning and I had been telling her all about some things that have irritated or frustrated me this weekend (she was gone all weekend). She left to use the restroom and I started thinking "Man, I have been so whiny and gripy all morning. I need to stop that! God, please set a guard over my mouth. I know that's a scripture, I should look it up today!" Then I decided to do my Bible reading, so I opened to the Psalms that I am scheduled to read today (141-145) and I started reading...then I started laughing really hard. Right there in Psalm 141:3 it says "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;  keep watch over the door of my lips" Yes, Lord. Point taken. So I repented and then I put that scripture as my status on facebook and added that this includes anything I might type/text today as well! God's pretty funny sometimes. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed the little glimpse into my thought patterns. Have a great day and feel free to share YOUR thoughts with me as well!

I'm worn...

 Hello dear friends. I hope that you are all doing well. I need to talk about something that might hit home for too many of you. I know it does for me! I have, in recent weeks/months, experienced times where I'm just worn out. I don't mean physically, though that comes with the territory. But I have been worn out, at times, emotionally and spiritually. As I talk with some of you, my friends and readers, I've discovered that I am not alone. There is a song that I can so identify with and I feel like many of you can as well. Here are the lyrics:

 Worn by Tenth Avenue North
I'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
  
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes
__________________________________________________________________________

Does that sound familiar to you? For me, I have actually made it through to the other side of being worn. Yeah, there are still times when I'm just tired and need a respite. I am one of those people that has a hard time remembering to rest, so that is part of my issue.

But I have talked to many lately that are dealing with situations that can't just be solved by taking a weekend getaway to relax. For those in this category, I'm praying for you. Even if you don't want me to, I am. I'm sorry, that's just how I'm wired. I have to tell you, there is hope.

I will say, first of all, that I understand that recovering from some of the things that happen in our lives is just a process. You MUST be allowed to go through the process. It's like when a butterfly is coming out of the cocoon. If a person tries to open the cocoon so the butterfly doesn't have to struggle, then its wings cannot gain strength and will never be usable. The person, by trying to help the butterfly speed up its struggle, has essentially killed its destiny and potential purpose. There has to be a process. I get that. Do I like it? No. Will I try to hinder it? Absolutely not. Process away, my friends. I will pray that your process is redemptive in nature and that you will not give up, but I will not try to fix it for you. It's not my place and it would cripple you for life if I did.

So why am I writing this? Well, partially just to say to all of you that you are not alone and that I understand. I am also writing this to encourage you to stick with it. If you're in a process like this, keep going! I will not condemn you for the position that you are in, but rather I will applaud you for allowing this process to take place in your life. Don't give up!

I will leave you with the video of the song I quoted above. It sticks in my spirit so often and I sometimes have sung it as a prayer to God just telling Him what I was feeling. I encourage you to tell God exactly what you are feeling, even if you are angry with Him. As you are honest with Him, He will honor that. I believe it will further you in your process. Love to you all!

Crazy weekend!

Hey there! I decided that I would go ahead and write something on here before my friend decides to send me a text telling me that I'm late on my posting, haha.

This past week has been BUSY! We have been in conference mode. I left with a small part of our team on Thursday and we drove to Salina, KS. Cindy Clark, founder of Pure Image Ministries International and a dear friend of the Warring Dove International team, had come to bring a portion of their living tabernacle to the Aglow-Kansas North Gate conference. What an experience!

Honestly, while we were setting up the tabernacle God was already moving and speaking. That was Thursday. Cindy was speaking in Salina Friday-Sunday and then Monday night and Tuesday night she spoke in our ministry school. Everyday since Thursday God has totally messed me up and spoken things over me that perhaps I will one day put on here, but for now I'm just not ready to really talk/share about it. It was all good stuff, though!

So today I'm sitting here at Eagle Rock Church and my friends and I were here for our "Command the Morning" prayer time and then we have been hanging out, comparing notes, teaching each other...and honestly, we're just trying to process everything. How do you process 6 straight days of crazy awesomeness? Well, we're trying. We're discussing. We're encouraging and exhorting each other. And we're just trying to soak it all in and not lose ground with all of the advances that have been made in our spirits all weekend. Never look back. Learn the pattern of heaven and implement it in your life for the rest of your life. Yep...sounds like a great idea!

Ponderings, Reflections, and the Pursuit of Cars...

Things here have been a little topsy-turvy for me lately...at least that's kind of how I feel at the moment. I have been pondering several things lately. So many things to think about, so little time to deal with it all. One thing that I've been pondering is this: What exactly IS a missionary? Listen, that may be an odd question to you, but I've learned something about myself recently that puts that into perspective. Dictionary.com defines a missionary as:1.a person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as educational or hospital work. 2.a person strongly in favor of a program, set of principles, etc., who attempts to persuade or convert others. 3.a person who is sent on a mission. 
The reason I have been asking this of myself is because in the past several years as I was running the Helping Hands Food Ministry there were a few people who would mention to me that I was living the life of a missionary and should look at it as such. I kind of thought they were crazy! Recently, someone said something to me about being a missionary and that I should look at my life as the life of a missionary. I began to realize that this is truly what I have been and am doing. Wow! That is interesting to me. Haha, as I read those three definitions, I realized that all three of those describe my life. 
Why does it matter? What am I actually thinking? Well, that is where the reflection portion of my post comes in. Remember when I talked about God telling me I was like the donkey that Jesus rode into Jerusalem? God spoke to me and told me that the Master has use of me. I've been trying to figure out for a long time how on earth I am going to keep working at my job, still do the work that I do at the church, and travel as we go on the Mane Event Tour very soon. People have mentioned to me that I should  look into being supported as a missionary, but I've just kind of shrugged off the notion...until now. Now I understand that this is probably something I will need to look into very soon. I'm not really sure what that will look like for me, so I'm asking you all to pray for me. I know that God is my provider. I trust Him. I want to find out how He wants me to be funded. So please, pray with me about this and if God speaks to you about it, let me know!
So, what else have I been reflecting on? Well, I've been thinking a lot about God's face. Yes, His face. He DOES have one, you know! I often pray and talk to Him about how much I want to be a seeker of His face, rather than just a seeker of His hands. Why? Well, because I want to get to know Him for who He is and learn all about Him. That would be seeking His face, so to speak. But seeking His hands is what I, and so many others, do too often. I get focused on what He can do for me or give me. But I want to know Him. I want to know what He wants to talk about and what He wants to do today. I want to know what He has to say-whether it's about me, others, or just in general. I often pray for other people that God would hold them so close to His heart that they would begin to hear the way His heart beats for them. I'm learning to pray this over myself as well.
I recently was going through a few rough patches all at once. Honestly, there was one day for a couple of hours where things got pretty dark. I was listening to the lies and accusations of the enemy and it was not good at all. I cannot even begin to describe what I was feeling that day. Suddenly, I received a text from a dear friend in another region of the country just telling me she loved me and was sending me a hug. I lost it. I needed to hear right at that moment that someone loved me just because I was me. I didn't even pray that way, it just happened at that exact second. God is so good, isn't He? He truly cares about every part of our lives. 
Haha, the other day my little niece had hurt her finger (it was not at all a bad hurt, but it was band-aid worthy...then again at 3, what isn't?!) and I just said a quick prayer that Jesus would heal it and make it all better. A couple of hours later she ran up to me and showed me that it was all better and I asked if Jesus had made it better for her. Without skipping a beat she said to me, "Yes He did! Aww, Jesus is so sweet!" Out of the mouths of babes...yep Addi, He sure is!
Ok, my last little tidbit here for you. If you did not already know, I had AWESOME news this week. I have been in need of a car to replace the one I was driving. If I even began to describe to you how awful that car had become and just how dangerous driving/riding in it was...oh man! To those who have had to endure right along with me (both in the search and in the car) I want to say thank you. No really, thank you! I have been loved by these people so much in recent weeks. BUT...the car search is over and, as Addi will tell you, Jesus bought me a new car! Now, in the natural that is not exactly how this happened, but in the eyes of a 3 year old, she prayed, Jesus promised her he would get me a good car, and here it is:

Yep. Jesus came through, as is His custom. I have awesome people who helped Him out and I love them dearly. But praise God the search, stress, and inhaling gas fumes is over and I have a very tangible reminder that I need to have faith like a 3 year old. 
Well friends, that's about it. If you have made it this far, I hope that you have read something worth pondering and reflecting over. If you have, then ask God about it and do what He says! Peace and love to you all!